Portrait Sandy Stork


So aging has been dear to me, close to my heart. And somewhere along the line, letting go took shape. Um, because I think all of life is letting go, not just in old age, but we're always letting go. And when I was in graduate school and chose to specialize in aging, And friends who did, and we talked about this and we all had stories about what brought us here. Why do we choose elders? And there's no question for me because the man of my life was my grandfather, my mother's father. And, um, he's the man that he's the human being, who I absolutely adored who was my teacher. As a child and growing up and who lived with such vigor up until the day he died. And, uh, I, I think that was reflected in other elders who I met and worked with and is that they weren't afraid. I didn't see fear of getting older. I didn't see, or, or dying what my both sons have taught. Is that I have to reach out to them and tell them I need them. I need to talk to them. And I mean, Eric, Christopher say, mom, you're so independent and that's good, but we're here for you. So I need to practice that. I'll just never forget when I had the hip replacement. And the surgery. And I woke up in the morning and I looked up and there was Patrick and he's like that. He'll just show up. Same with Christopher and Christopher's wife, Christine. Oh God, she's amazing. And they bring me things. They come over, they walk, they're walking distance and they walk over here and like Thanksgiving and they brought me all the oldest Turkey and dressing them. Because none of us went out. So a little things like that, that just, and knowing that it was a big part of the piece that I feel I have to say, I use trader Joe's, you know, I think trader Joe's is geared for people like me who live alone. And I just picked something up high. I email a lot anytime. Uh, I'm emailing or on the phone with my two sons is a highlight, but that isn't every day, uh, walking and Cooper. And I walk a lot. I think the gods, um, for this little dog, I am a person who loves to hug and touch and, um, and I hug him and touch him and he sleeps on my bed and, um, So he is a highlight. My mother seems to have this at this time in her life and in my life, this mission to not bother me to not protect the word I use is key protects me all the time. Uh, at every stage of our lives, we are building accumulating, taking on attachment to things, to life, to people. So as I get older, I am more comfortable in and letting letting go of. And it's a tiny little piece of a Mary Oliver poem. And, um, the poem is in Blackwater woods is the name of the whole poem. The part that speaks most to me is, um, I'll read it, quote, to live in this world. You must be able to do three things to love. What is. And to hold it against your bones, knowing your own life depends on it. And when the time comes to let it go to let it go, the older I get, and this has been this way for a few years, I look at my life and the end of my life that. Well, here's what I've noticed about aging I'm well and healthy, but I'm fatigued during COVID. I think I've, I've had the blues living alone, um, and I noticed it's harder to concentrate. So I read the new Yorker. I just gobbled it up because it's short. I mean, new Yorker articles are long. You know, the end is coming soon. I just hope I can let go. When my mother dies, let go of her and, and let go of my own life. When my time comes.